By Two Legs Good

So Great Uncle Bulgaria and The Wombles.. sorry, Great Leader Kim Jong-il and the North Koreans are at it again, setting off firecrackers in the middle of a Bank Holiday Sunday night and annoying the neighbours.

Gordon Brown should serve Kim Jong-il with an ASBO. After all, they're really good at stopping anti-social behaviour, aren't they? Just to make sure Kim gets the message he could dispatch the tap-dancing Hazel Blears to deliver it. Might as well use someone that'll see eye-to-eye with him...

Meantime, it's down to the rest of us to save the day. As you may know, we already have a plan for HOW TO ACHIEVE PEACE WITH NORTH KOREA by sending Kim Jong-il millions of kittens. Now we've upgraded it, so whichever way it goes, we'll sort it out.

We should all still send Kim Jong-il a kitten immediately - but with special training from the SAS we could also make sure that these kittens have been infiltrated by Deadly Assassin Killer Kittens, trained and ready to eliminate the Dear Leader given a chance.

Obviously, they'd have to be trained firearms and close-combat experts:

As well as armed and unarmed combat, we'll need to train them in infiltration skills... and should the worst come to the worst and they're captured, they should be prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the secrecy of the plan:

Oh, and Kim... in case you think we're not serious, just look at the havoc one single British Deadly Ninja Assassin Egg on a training mission caused to Kirk Broadfoot a few weeks ago.

Don't say we didn't warn you!

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