By Two Legs Good

It's hard to resist looking when someone shows you a picture of their organ and it's a bright canary yellow. Well, that's our excuse for checking out this eBay auction anyway.

The description isn't exactly enticing:

"It appears legs should screw in to the black case but I don't have the legs so they aren't included. The yellow plastic surround is loose (not screwed in, though there are some screws in the bag). There are what appear to be soldering iron burns in the yellow plastic surround. It appears the wooden switches may be the result of a repair job. The black case is tatty and the grill is damaged. I haven't plugged it in to test it."

Ummm... yeah...

So, the legs are missing, the case is a mess, and the grill damaged. The case doesn't encase it - and if you have the screws, why not screw it together? Those "soldering iron" burns look far more like cigarette-left-burning-while-playing burns.

And the "wooden switches MAY be the result of a repair job"? MAY? MAY? Nooo... I'm sure that after all the moulding making the case and keyboard, the Orla Organ Boffins thought "You know how we should finish this off for a truly professional look? Let's make some badly-fitting unfinished wooden switches - and just for fun, we'll leave off the nearby knobs and give vague indications of use with Dymo labels. But we'll keep the switch functions our little secret."

"I haven't plugged it in to test it." Oh really? You weren't even a little bit curious? You didn't think it might help sell it if you could definitely say it worked?

Apparently he'll "accept cash on collection". We don't think he should get his hopes up, do you?

Mind you, the auction for an Electronic Organ from this guy isn't the worst description he's got. He's selling a load of other really primo stuff... 2 Broken PC Power Supplies (How useful!) - a Faulty Goodmans 26" LCD HDTV Widescreen Television TV (Imagine the fun!) - an IBM PC DOS 6.3 User's Guide from 1994 (Thankfully, express delivery is available on that! Just in case you've been sitting at the DOS prompt for 17 years, wondering what to do next.) - a Faulty Compaq S900 18-19" CRT Monitor (Handy!) - a 33.6k/kb/kbps Data/Fax Dial Up Modem (Mmmm! Speedy!) - it all sounds like the worst ever prizes in an episode of The Generation Game where the winner committed suicide rather than take that crap home.

It doesn't end there though.

Our man has some other SECRET items for sale.

Some rusty sockets, 2 Vases, and A book.

There's no pictures for any of them, and hardly a word of description either. I guess by this time we must simply accept their word that these items are so wonderful that they need no description or pictures, we'll just take it as read that they're worth buying. Ever hopeful, he will still accept cash on collection. But other than that, they're mainly mysteries.

The "Some rusty sockets" are of "Various sizes and condition", but that's all most of us will ever know about them unless we spring the £10 for them that they're undoubtedly worth.

The "2 Vases" are "In fair condition". Not excellent, or even good, only fair. Well, what do you expect for £50? Certainly not a picture or description, eh?

The "A book" is the most intriguing. I mean, you might not know metric from imperial in your sockets, or tell your Tang from your Ming vases, but surely, SURELY, even if you can't take a photo of it, you can copy down the title of the book you're trying to sell for £150? Just how lazy is that? All we're told is that "More information and a photo will be added soon". With only a day to go on that, he's cutting it a bit fine.

Perhaps, given the quality of the other items he's selling, he's worried that the British Museum have spotted him and are prepared to swoop to recover these long-lost fine art treasures.

Well done, kitrule, take a bow - your auctions win our first "Ebay Auction Of The Week".

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