By Atom Heart Mother
The Blog With Two Legs recently identified that the BBC News service is committing crimes against the English Language so heinous, I for one would consider going back to the Daily Sport for my news were it possible.
When The Blog With Two Legs demonstrated a deterioration in spelling which could, quite literally, be solved by a click of a button, I suspected the cause was mere sloppiness. However, since then further errors have crept in, and my further investigations have revealed the horrific truth behind the death of English at the BBC.
There is a revolutionary plot to take over the BBC!
As Auric Goldfinger said, 'Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. The third time it's enemy action.'
Asylum seekers shld return, shld they?
That's what they sayd, is it?
Hague has comdemned them, has he?
It's obvious that standards are slipping - but more information, more sources were needed. I turned to the BBC News website, and there, in a tiny article in an all but forgotten section, there, that's where I found they'd made their crucial mistake:
It was no longer just spelling! Who could be behind the sudden rise in bad spelling AND unnecessary apostrophes?
I shuddered at the thought - it couldn't be... could it?
I double-checked. I went back to my training, using rigourously scientific principles and highest-grade verified intelligence. What did I know about megalomaniacs that try to take over world-wide organisations by stealth? What do they have in common? Here's the executive summary:
Bad guys. Unfortunately, only two are dead.
So, putting all those clues together, what I was looking for was a bald, sadistic, ruthless greengrocer with megalomaniacal tendencies that loves to shout at people and intends to take over the BBC.
There's only one man fits that description.
The Man From G.R.E.G.G.
I think I've found our man!
Yes - The Blog With Two Legs can exclusively reveal what happened to all those redundant high street greengrocers, and what they did with their illegal stockpiles of unnecessary apostrophes and other WMDs (Weapons of Mass Dyslexia); they've bonded together to form G.R.E.G.G. - the Greengrocers' Revolutionary Elite Guerilla Group.
Now they've infiltrated the BBC at all levels, and they're taunting us, flaunting their new-found power by inflicting their symbolic figurehead, The Man From G.R.E.G.G. himself, Gregg Wallace.
Just look at the overwhelming evidence:
Gregg Wallace on 'Veg Talk'
Gregg Wallace on 'Saturday Kitchen'
Gregg Wallace on 'Follow That Tomato'
Gregg Wallace on 'Just The Two Of Us'
Gregg Wallace on 'The Money Programme'
Gregg Wallace on 'No, Missus, I've A Cucumber In My Pocket'
Gregg Wallace on 'Turn Back Time: The High Street'
Gregg Wallace on 'Masterchef'
Gregg Wallace on 'Celebrity Masterchef'
Gregg Wallace on 'Masterchef: The Professionals'
Then ask yourself this - other than as part of some Secret Evil Conspiracy, in any sane world can you think of any possible good reason Gregg Wallace would be on so many programmes?
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