A NICE BIT OF STONE-CLADDING ©™ - Part 7

By Two Legs Good

Yes, it's another Sunny Soaraway Stone-Cladding Sunday!


Now, a lot of times when we bring you the latest architastrophe we've spotted whilst out and about our fair Londonshire, we point out - as we did last week - that not only is it ugly, but how much it stands out from any more tasteful surroundings.

We're not really sure that we'd be on terra firma with those this week.

Oh sure, it's ugly, that's a given. But sitting, as it does, next to a house that has been painted orange, it has more than half a claim to be the more subtly decorated of the pair.


It's not that we don't like orange - just look at what you're reading, for goodness sake. No, we like orange - we just don't expect it as the colour of the average suburban dwelling.

What's more worrying though is the indication of the thinking of whoever stoneclad this building.

You might expect us to continue here with a tirade about taste or common-sense, and most often you'd be right, we would. But on this occasion what concerns us is the preparation some homeowner has made.

The preparation for an armed seige in that house.

Look, for example, at the cunning way the house and outer walls have been matched in colour and texture, even down to the facing of the steps. That all makes it difficult to determine where relative edges are - so someone can move between them, and any police sniper would be confused as to range.

The crazy angles of the house itself don't help, making any marksman wonder if they need their eyes tested.

We could also draw attention to the abnormal level of detailing where every edge - even between rooftiles and wall - has been meticulously sealed by stone-cladding. We suppose that'd make the house pretty gas-proof, as well as having the advantage of keeping any noises, like (for example) screams, in.

But it's one particular feature that makes us worry more than most. One feature that surely cannot be accidental, and yet is completely out of place on any modern building.

The arrowslit:


Normally arrowslits were in castle walls, a thin slit that allowed an archer (or later, riflemen) to fire at will on targets outside, while staying safe since the slit was so narrow that they could barely be seen. It turned the castle into a sort of fortified snipers nest.

Now maybe they're preparing to defend themselves during the Food Riots of 2018. Perhaps they're readying themselves for a Zombie Invasion, or for the Total Global Apocalypse following Berlusconi's Droop. But those ideas seem unlikely.

So why would anyone include an arrowslit sniper spot in the attic of a modern suburban house?

Why indeed...


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